Say goodbye to the world you thought you lived in...

2008-10-26T14:23:00.000Z

2008-06-06T17:07:00.002+01:00

So here i am in hk!

I feel like its been a super long journey just getting here..had to get to heathrow, then after arriving in hk, i had to take the airport express to hongkong and then..waited 1 freaking hour just to get a cab. So tired. It's typhoon season and it has been pouring non-stop all day. Me, no umbrella, can't speak cantonese==jialat.

Hk feels quite complicated. Its kinda different from what i remembered..maybe coz of the rain and my heavy luggages. -_-. Seriously need to pick up cantonese otherwise i can't get around as easily. Everyone just assumes i can speak canto just coz i look chinese :(. And if i speak mandarin, they look at me like i am da lu ren. :( :(. So then i switch to english, and i feel like a banana. :( Die die must learn canto! But other than that...i'm loving hk! Everything is so damn cheap compared to london. And the food variety is awesome..love it.

My place here is really nice too. Very cosy, just nice for one or two ppl. Today after dinner, i bought an umbrella from watsons and walked from wanchai to central and up all the steep stairs to midlevels back. It took me about 45mins strolling but it was somehow quite relaxing walking like that in the rain, getting my shoes soaked, and just taking in all the bright lights and loud clash of noises and smells, and also discovering little foodie hideaways.

Now its time to make myself at home here, make the best out of every opportunity i get! And do what i do best..work hard, play hard..and eat and shop and eat and shop and eat and shop!

Changed my blogskin coz i feel that the old one doesn't quite reflect me anymore.

2008-05-20T16:22:00.003+01:00

At the end of the day, i dunno if i can rmb anything that i've read/analysed/mugged. Studying really sucks. I don't really have any right to whine seeing as we lse students only study intensively for 2 months a year..but still.. :( :( :(. I'm feeling miserable. I've nv stayed alone in my room so much before. And when i do, depression usually sinks in. It's just me, mike and the cat now coz of the whole bedbugs and the extermination adventure. which doesn't count for much. Still depressed and miserable. Plus i've overspent like crazy coz of exam stress..thank goodness for brotherly love, otherwise i dunno how i can survive the next few weeks here. Speaking of which, i'll only be in london for exactly 2 and a half more weeks and then hong kong beckons. Suddenly looking back, time seems to have flown. hmm. I just hope time will slow down when an important period comes and i can be happy again. Again, i need a change of environment. London wears me down sometimes and this is one of those times. When i go, i will miss bake-a-boo, the lovely bakery near my place which i brought beh to. i will miss sainsburys. i will miss the sound of the ice cream truck that passes under my window everyday. i will miss strolling in covent garden, exploring camden and portobello and other interesting bits of london. i will miss chatting in starbucks and shopping like mad and purposefully ignoring the pounds to sgd exchange rate. Most of all, i will miss my room. The place where i've spent the most time this year. Sometimes it drives me mad, and sometimes its my place of comfort and solace and warmth and yellow winnethepooh goodness. Ok, now that i might have to move house after the summer...i'm appreciating the comforts of my room..but still..depressed... -_-.

Been sleeping a lot more than usual lately to make the days shorter and so i can study less. Been doing a lot more reflection on my life and esp on this year. Don't feel like i'm turning 21 in a few months. Its gonna be a birthday shadowed by work i suppose. But it doesn't matter. I'll have a nice long holiday after. I feel kinda unfulfilled. Like i could have done a lot more with this year but instead wasted my time on frivolous pursuits. Sigh. And being a 2nd year will end in 2 weeks.

Right now, i'm just waiting to pack up my life into bags and boxes and leave again.

2008-05-08T23:37:00.002+01:00

Summer has arrived early. Don't have mood to study anymore when the sun has been out shining brightly and hot everyday. But i have to keep going. First paper is next friday! Micro! argh.

2008-04-27T19:31:00.000+01:00

He smiled, she smiled, and they knew right away
that this was the day they'd waited for all their lives.
And for a moment the whole world
revolved around one boy and one girl

2008-04-06T20:31:00.000+01:00

2008-03-28T22:40:00.003Z

I'm in need of serious motivation and inspiration. I've been trying to start my revision..but i dunno if its because i'm getting older or what..but i've become less and less worried about my studies. Like as if the correlation between studies and job prospects are no longer there. hmm.

Anyhow, this week hasn't been so bad. Happier and more relaxed. I don't wanna spend too much time alone in my room..it really depresses me. Sometimes it feels like the walls are pressing down on me and i have to get out for a walk. Easter hols are for mugging..and that equates to hours sitting in my room since i can never concentrate in the library. Oh depression. Been emo-ing to utada hikaru's songs lately. Really love her voice and the way she changes her style with each album.

Sometimes i feel as if i'm standing on the edge. A tap on the shoulder might just send me right over. Will that be bliss or a plunge into the abyss? I'm afraid of uncertainty. I don't crave the excitement of not knowing what comes next anymore. Coz i've been let down so many times, i don't want to have expectations anymore. In my life, i'm just gonna do my very best in everything i do and accept whatever comes my way and in the end, after all the effort, i guess i can have it all. How sweet can it be if it's not achieved by hard work and sweat?

2008-03-21T23:19:00.007Z

Outside the University of Manchester which has a huge huge sprawling campus. Their student union has their own huge building which compared to LSE(i think we only have a room or something like that)..is huge..

At Old Trafford

The lights in the middle of the field are to special sun lights to fool the grass that it isn't winter. There was a match the night before so bits of grass had come off and they have to grow back quickly quickly for more matches this week especially Super Sunday. There are 40 water sprinklers in the field to ensure the grass has enough moisture. The grass is watered very very often, even during half time in a game. And then there are also water pipes beneath the field that pump warm water into the field to melt any frost or ice so that games are rarely cancelled due to bad weather.

I've just got back from manchester tonight. Finally visited my brother after nearly 2 years here and since he's graduating this year, i thought i'd better make a trip this easter break. Manchester was quite boring and very chillax. The only interesting thing was visiting Old Trafford and going for a tour of the stadium. That was pretty cool. The stadium is quite impressive inside when you sit down on the red and white seat and take in the magnificent red and whiteness of the whole stadium with Man Utd staring down at you from every corner. Too bad i didn't catch a match. The bad thing about Manchester is the WIND and the annoying constant drizzle that is neither here nor there. There is a lot more open spaces/fields in Manchester compared to London so the wind is particularly strong and icy especially when it comes with rain. I nearly froze to death while doing the Old Trafford tour. -_-. Well, it was a good break away from London, a good distraction and a good change of food. Had a lot of dimsum which was wayyy better than that in London. The har gao was humongous and yummy. The shopping malls also amazed me. I'm so used to shopping in the streets of London, strolling from one store to another with individual stores decked out along the road/lane..especially oxford street and covent garden. But in Manchester, all the stores are gathered into a giant megamall which was huge huge huge. Didn't shop though. Felt ridiculous for a londoner to be shopping in manchester..hahah. Also had my 1st krispy Kreme doughnut. Don't ask me how come I've never tried it in London..i'm just not a fan. And also, I have this image of gross, fat people queueing insanely for doughnuts and coming out with huge boxes and boxes of those fattening things. The thought of it used to make me feel like vomiting everytime i pass a doughnut shop..be it Krispy kreme or whatever doughnut shop. So anyway, i decided to try one. Krispy Kreme. hurhur. I bought one chocolate glazed doughnut, took a bite and..strongly resisted spitting it out. YUCK. It's so sweet!! I can't understand how people can eat that.

Anyhow, my 2nd year in uni is nearly coming to a close. I'm already a week into my easter break. That leaves 1 week of mugging, 1 week in marseille and nice, 2 weeks of mugging, about 1 week with esther yeo, 3 weeks of revision classes and mugging, 2 weeks of mugging for 3 days of exams and then i'm done. Time does fly, doesn't it? Spending so many hours on the bus to and back from manchester left me thinking a lot about my future, career-wise, family-wise and also about what i've accomplished so far this year....which hasn't been much. Anyway, when i arrived at kilburn after coming back from manchester, i was hungry so i stopped by my fav chef chan takeout place. It was such a coincidence to bump into this guy i got to know while attending the private equity conference in LSE last year. He's a research fellow, going to become a professor soon. Really cool eccentric guy. His expertise is in the laws and rules/regulations governing IPOs so we exchanged contacts after I excitedly told him about my summer internship. So cool. I guess such conferences aren't a waste of time..haha..really good for networking and getting to know people other than those in my course.

It's getting harder to appreciate the present and appreciate the little things around me and also to appreciate the mundane details of my daily routine. As always, I'm thinking ahead, deep into my future. I wonder what my life will be in 5 years time and 10 years time. Will it be filled with love and colour? Will I still get butterflies in my tummy when I'm nervous or stressed? Will I become more serious and boring?....................

2008-03-01T00:35:00.002Z

Oho~~It takes 4 years to be able to say this! Today is 29th Feb!! cheers to leap years although i think those ppl born on this day must be very cham..coz they have to wait 4 yrs to be able to celebrate their bday. waha.

Anyway this week has been not bad. happy happy week. Heard some incredible news that the JI detainee escaped and is loose in singapore. my gosh. When i heard it, i thought it was just a joke coz sg police are highly efficient(compared to the police here in uk who wait til 40ppl are raped before they catch the rapist)..looks like he did a prison break with the help of a well tattooed friend. And the centre where he escaped from is a bit near my house..so lots of police have been patroling the whole neighbourhood. so exciting.

I am anticipating utada hikaru's new album thats coming out on march 19th! Her new single is so addictive..Heart station!! love it so much. Anyhow its friday again! End of week 8..and counting down til i dunno when exactly. I'd better enjoy london as much as i can before its time to say bye.

2008-02-22T17:21:00.003Z

This week has been not bad..been finally attending some sch and sg related events after being mia for ages. Went for alive on wed, which was the charity concert organised by mainly gangwei and some other singaporeans..it was SO GOOD. i was bloody impressed. It was an acoustic concert held in the chapel in king's college and it was really laid back..mostly singaporeans turned up to support for the good cause. The music and singing was incredible..i think some of them can go cut their own albums. Only thing was, nobody danced. -_-.

Then i went for some jap/korean soc dinner last night..didn't know lse has quite a few koreans. aha. the food was not bad and this is the first sch event i've attended since before exams last year. which is really ages ago! After the buffet thingy, limfuisze persuaded me to go for hip hop class but i chickened out last last last minute. would have died from the embarrassment. -_x. hahaha.

Anyhow, its friday evening! End of week 7 already~~~ Time really flies. This week, i received my contract and visa apps stuff. Employment feels real and close now. Really can't wait to step into the next phase of my life and work. No more job searches next yr liao. Thank goodness everything is secured and settled with a kick ass pay. So much for all those acts of desperation..i received 3 interview opportunities this week..haha but luckily its too late and i don't need all that anymore. All thats left is planning for summer holiday and what i'm gonna do in the super long 6 weeks march break. so far, no plans for march yet except that esther yeo is coming. haha. yay.

2008-02-18T21:50:00.002Z

On sunday after church, we went over to ben and regina's house to join their family for sunday lunch. They're the first african family i know..and it was really awesome to be invited for lunch coz the food was so different but soooo delicious and they are so hospitable. They are originally from Ghana but they've both been here for nearly 25 yrs so their kids are all born and grown up here. Ended up spending an afternoon getting to know about Ghana and their culture..they have such a huge collection of photos..and surprisingly, Ghana is one of the relatively well-off countries in Africa and Accra, the capital, is fairly modern and developed and organised. Only problem is corruption which is everywhere. According to ben and regina, Ghana is predominantly christian. Even the north which used to be purely muslim has a strong christian following now. Which is pretty amazing. Taxis and stores have bible verses printed out and gospel music can be heard everywhere. Only thing is people can still cheat you with the bible verses staring at their faces. So..its scariness and wariness under the kind, religious facade. About poverty..i guess the rich-poor divide is really huge. Coincidentally, some lse ppl are organising a charity concert in aid of a Ghana project which some guys started last summer. At last, something that is meaningful. Feel a bit guilty that people are so busy working on such a meaningful project while i've been doing nothing and yet complaining that i'm busy and tired. haha.
Hmmm this week has started quite well..Now with my internship secured, my heart feels so much better. No more stress and no more worries. Received some stuff on visa apps today. It finally feels real that i'm going. My first step to financial independence and to reality. Had dimsum lunch with sujung and then some retail therapy! yea~~ oh and the weather was nice too. Cold but the sun was out, sky was clear and blue. Perfection.

2008-02-16T11:19:00.002Z

Woohoo~~

went for my first live band pub performance in london last night! Went to the water rats at grays inn road where our friend performed with his band, after the fox! It was super cool. We arrived in time to listen to 3 sets by 3 diff bands. The first one was totally crazy, rock punker style. All the guys in the band had strange long blond hair which they kept swinging about as they rocked on their guitars. And they kept stripping off after each song. The lead vocalist wore 3 diff coloured pants which he kept stripping off after 1 or 2 songs. First red, then bright yellow then purple. And they had red and white face paint all over..one guitarist drew a huge red heart on his hairy chest which became smudged after a few songs. haha. The atmosphere was soooooo english and really cool. The 2nd band was my favourite..reminded me of those preppy high sch bands who croon about first love. haha. And lastly, our friend's band! after the fox!! its an acoustic band and they even have a violinist who was just awesome. They pulled the largest crowd. Had a really fun night. :) Kinda different from live bands in sg where ppl juz sit down on comfy couches, sip drinks and chill out. Here, there was nowhere to sit and chill. People were juz jumping and dancing all over the place. It was really mad and awesome. And the most starking difference was that all the songs the bands played were completely original! In sg, bands just perform songs by other singers/bands. But here, it was totally original and whacky. Dunno if they'll survive if they release albums and sell outside..haha but in a pub like that, it was just wicked fun.

2008-02-14T20:26:00.002Z

I've finally got what I've worked so hard for. All those hours put into doing up the applications and researching. It's all worth it now. Coz i'm gonna be in hongkong for 2 solid months this summer!! yay! I'm gonna work like mad and then shop like mad! I'm not gonna be unemployed now. Had a celebratory party last night at seonwoong and bokki's house. Feel really excited. And so very relieved. At least when i check my emails now, i don't have this sense of dread of receiving rejections and worrying about unemployment. I think finance sector is the only place where fresh grads can earn the same amount that an average man would take at least 10 yrs to climb up the ladder to earn. Which is quite mad. But i'm not complaining. This is what i came here for. hehehe. Bliss... And for that, i feel tired. and unmotivated to carry on. I want to just grab everything and fast forward my life so i don't have to go through the painful process of studying and having exams and waiting. But then again, i graduate next june. Which is less than one and a half years time. Time's gonna fly and maybe many things will pass me by.

2008-02-10T20:46:00.000Z

This week has been not bad. The sun has been out a lot and it already feels like spring!
cny was rather subdued for me this year but it was all right in the end thanks to good friendship and company and yummy food.

Weekend started on friday for me. Met su for dinner and another long therapeutic chat. Added a dose of positivity and more common sense into my head!

It was kenji's bday yesterday so we whipped up a feast and cooked loads of yummy jap food like tonkatsu, jap curry, a huge chicken dish and kimbap. It turned out to be a mad jap party coz so many of his other jap friends turned up and joined in at odd hours of the night. It felt like a cross of 3 different cultures which was pretty amazing. Esp when kuma, who has lived in shanghai for 6 yrs, started to speak to me in mandarin. It felt so strange and everyone was just silent, watching a conversation they couldn't understand until it was translated. haha. I hadn't drank that much in ages but the occasion called for it. Cooking for so many people is also very therapeutic even though i didn't know how to cook most of the dishes and just helped out. It really relaxed my mind. Cheers to good company and cheers to happy people who make the best out of their lives!

Today after church, ping invited us over for lunch so we went! together with sooyeon's family. Her house reminds me of a little cottage in the woods although it felt a bit big coz she's now living alone. It is amazingly neat and well-kept and cozy and sitting in the kitchen breathing in the aroma of delicious food made us feel so at home. I think, if i live alone in a house like that, i wouldn't be bothered to keep it so clean and tidy. Her garden is one of the most well-maintained gardens i've seen in london. Most british people can't be bothered to tend to their garden and just leave all the plants to take over completely and turn the yard into a mini jungle. But ping's garden is immaculate. The flowers at the sides have even started to bloom since its been a bit warmer this week. Yellow and pink and red and white. It felt like a fairytale garden amidst the cold wind, bright sunshine and clear blue sky.

Next week's gonna be pretty much the same as all other weeks. Nothing special. I'm gonna be good and study damn hard. This week, someone reminded me about something that i've seemed to have lost. I didn't even realise it but subconciously, it was gone. And now, it has come back. Life isn't so bad huh.

2008-02-03T15:59:00.001Z

I think hope is a very strange and important thing. It can fill you with strength just as easily as it can reduce everything you've worked for into shreds. This week has been an unsettling one. I've been thinking a lot about how it was like when i sailed. Seems like a long time ago. But what i'm feeling right now..it can be compared most directly to the worse days when i was sailing.

In any race, it isn't actually that hard to win. The largest obstacle is always myself but i didn't see that for many years and by the time i realised it, it was too late and my passion for the competition had run dry. My fighting spirit was diminished, defeated and i took a 'can't be bothered' attitude to everything because i was afraid to give my all and fail in the end. But i've realised, such success and failure shouldn't be defining my life or my happiness.

Sometimes i don't know why we keep running and keep chasing our dreams. Do we really believe that if we keep running, we will get there in the end? Or are we afraid to stop running because that is the only direction we have known all our lives? When i was racing, i used to think, i can be better, i can improve and climb my way up so all this shit will be worth it in the end..i just must endure for now and keep going. And when i got there, it wasn't what i wanted at all. And i wondered why i had wasted so much time, all those weekends, all those years, chasing.
If you had known me as fellow sailor and known me in sch or elsewhere, i don't think you'll be able to reconcile the 2 sides of me because i had channeled all my passion and energy into something i had thought was all i wanted and i was so aggressive to achieve it that i did anything and was blinded.

Now, i'm feeling like i'm back to where i was. I'm afraid to move on because i don't know if it will be worth the chase. Its been a long time since i've given my all and persevered to the end. Will it be better to continue hoping and chasing?

I remember reading from the alchemist by paulo coelho: 'When you really want something bad enough, the whole world conspires to help you achieve it'. Is that how it really is? Can we always get everything we want so long as we want it badly enough?

2008-01-31T10:55:00.000Z

When you feel like giving up, remember why you held on for so long in the first place

2008-01-29T01:27:00.000Z

Thank God for some people in my life. Who would go great lengths to help and pull me out of a crisis. These days..I don't want to keep my hopes up. Internship apps are such a pain. The tedious application forms, and then the anxiety, waiting, waiting, waiting for some response..and then excitement at being called for interviews..quickly followed by stresssss to prepare..and then disappointments and depression. This is like my life these past 2 weeks and knowing that so many people have already signed contracts for their summer internship has done nothing to make me less anxious. I hope i just get something...worst case scenario would be to accept a job in a non banking sector. That's not the end of the world is it?

2008-01-27T14:40:00.000Z

So this is what its like over there...gloom amidst the pretty snow and ice. Don't you feel like the road might break away like a frozen lake and swallow you whole?

2008-01-20T19:59:00.000Z

This weekend has been pretty good. Had the usual sunday lunch at martin and sooyeon's house with his family...everyone says i've lost weight. maybe. haha. life is just starting to get back on track now. My focus is coming back.

Had assessment centre on friday which didn't go as well as i had expected. hahaha. Was actually feeling abit disappointed though. So i headed over to sunwoong's house intending to brood with the usual beer..but his housemates threw a party to celebrate my getting rejected. haha. Its a celebration coz its my first tiny step to getting employed and i think i took a lot away this round..the next time is gonna be better. haha. So i was cheered up by the sweetness.

I feel inspired by people all around me. People who have so much so much energy in whatever they do..even if they have had a long tiring day, they can still smile and give it their all just to make someone feel better and comfortable...and people who don't have 'impossible' in their vocabulary.

i feel like i have the strength to move a mountain.

I can do anything. Eventually we will have it all. :) :)

2008-01-15T18:08:00.000Z

It's been some time since i last posted here. 70th post..hurhur. My head is now spinning from all the studying. I have not sat down for so many hours and studied like that since...maybe last may. argh. But at least, now i feel kind of settled in london. Even though sometimes it feels quite difficult to keep going especially when its so cold and gloomy..i've learnt to motivate myself harder. This yr is not gonna be an easy one. The reality of being in yr 2 is just hitting me in the face now. Even though theres only 23 weeks of sch, 12 more to go..i'm feeling so weighed down already.

Kilburn is really not such a bad place but its def not home. Niu niu is a comfort..padding up and down the house and pruning herself..but i think i'm gonna move this summer. Suddenly there are many things crossing my mind at once. Recent conversations with friends. Recollections. Old memories. What do we do with them. Met sujung yest for a nice long lunch followed by a super long chat at her place with more yummy food..felt like good therapy, analysing our lives like that. i need more of this.

The past week has been a busy one which passed quickly, thankfully. Learning korean seriously seriously...meeting up with friends, making new ones.. going over there for dinner sometimes..and got to know some interesting people with weirdly interesting backgrounds..like maya who has a sugardaddy back in japan who is supporting her in london and actually sends her 2 cartons of cigarettes every month..mad.. i think jap people are quite strange..i can't understand their thinking at all..

Nobody said it was easy
No one ever said that it would be this hard
Oh take me back to the start

2007-10-29T16:02:00.000Z

Proof of how unpersonalised the tutor system is in LSE...This is what my personal tutor wrote about me

Tutor comments:
The student is doing fine with his program. There are no particular concerns regarding his courses.

2007-10-25T23:40:00.000+01:00

ROFL.....why can i imagine myself doing this... -_x

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

2007-10-25T00:09:00.000+01:00

Camden Market...

UGBY. COME ON ENGLAND. This flag got ppl stopping and taking photos along the busy camden streets.

Interesting sales gimmick. All the ppl who passed by just stopped, mesmerized, and poked at the bubbles like little children.

Goth stores..what camden is famous for.

2007-10-25T00:05:00.000+01:00

In Cambridge...

2007-10-25T00:03:00.000+01:00

2007-10-25T00:01:00.000+01:00

2007-10-24T23:58:00.000+01:00

Punting in Cambridge

2007-10-24T23:55:00.000+01:00

Regent's Park on a pretty pretty day :)

2007-10-24T23:52:00.000+01:00

The view from my old place at island gardens

Luxury cruise ship 'The World' where the megarich can buy cabinflats docked at Cutty Sark for a couple of days

View of greenwich from the little park called Island gardens. The dome in the distance is actually the entrance of the tunnel that runs under the river.

View from the bus on the way to oxford street. Typical gloomy london weather.

2007-10-21T19:05:00.000+01:00

Happy happy happy but tiring days. Went camden yesterday but it took us a long time to get there due to several misadventures so we were both in a crappy mood. But when we'd arrived, camden town didn't disappoint. I forgot how much i liked the place considering the last time i'd been there was last yr with joanne. Camden has such a fantastic vibe about the place with the distinct goth fashion and throngs of punks and markets stock full with clothes(goth and otherwise), accessories, shoes and food food food!! There're food stalls ranging from chi, thai, indian, mexican, morrocan, turkish, caribbean, italian, spanish and even russian food..yumm. Camden is really very different from the rest of the london. Everything feels so uninhibited and free. One goth store called cyberworld had a girl up on a platform wearing stilettos, black mini hot shorts and mini spag top dancing away to blaring trance..really cool and brilliant crowd-puller. There's just too many things to see and the only bad thing about the place is that they only accept cash so i have to remember to bring plenty when i go there next time.

The past few days were pretty busy since classes are starting next week and i had to plough through the textbooks, lecture notes and do up my assignments in time for my monday classes. I'm finding my routine again and now it's easier to breathe once i've arranged and prioritised. Sch work is getting more interesting and challenging. But its not as bad as what all the seniors say...or at least it's still manageable for now..haha i dunno.

My mum has been calling me for the past few days to update me on my airtix changes and everytime after i put down the phone, i just feel like going home immediately and eating all my fav food. But life's like that..we can't always have what we want can we? So i shall just make the most out of london and enjoy myself.

2007-10-08T23:52:00.000+01:00

It's been ages since i last blogged and that's because i haven't internet access in my room but now i do!! yay! It's been a tremendously long 3 weeks plus since i've been back...enough time to settle into a house, move out, find another place and move in and make lots of new friends and learn how to cook more yummy dishes and make kimchi from yongseo's korean housewife friend who married a british. I think being a korean housewife is not easy. They have to always cook loads of darn good food and keep the house clean and they never say no to their husbands or children..they always give in.

Su yeung and martin invited us over for lunch on sunday and I was amazed at the amount of food she piled on the table for lunch but yongseo said it's normal because she is a korean housewife..and after playing badminton with martin and her damn pretty daughter hana, we returned inside the kitchen to find 2 huge plates of sandwiches and biscuits and salad and chips for tea. omg. omg. omg. Super pig out day. We couldn't eat dinner after all that food! Oh and their house is actually in zone 4 so we took a bus to golders green which is zone 3 and surprisingly near our houses and then we walked through this very very very beautiful park which had a creek running parallel to the narrow path we were walking on. The trees bended down above the path and it felt like such a fairytale setting with the greenery and the sound of water gently trickling...i was half expecting to catch a glimpse of a fairy. Really felt like we were in the countryside even though we were still in london.

Anyway, i really like my new place now. I feel a lot more independent and free and my housemates are pretty nice and they are hardly in. Landlord is also very nice and even comes in 3 times a week to clean the house..with my cheap rent..i couldn't ask for more. It's also a lot more convenient to get around because i have the jubilee line juz 5mins away and lots of buses that head to central area..i can get to oxford street in 12mins by tube and sch in half an hour including walking time..yay! There are many thrift shops and cheap minimarts in this area too plus a big sainsburys and my neighbourhood is very safe so i've got a good deal. The first 2 weeks back was quite mad and crazy but now i can just relax and focus on sch. So no, i don't feel like i'm missing out just because i'm not sharing a flat with singaporeans.

Sch officially started today with macro lecture and since classes haven't started, this week is pretty slack for me. Just need to get all my new textbooks and get into the momentum of studying again..feeling quite rusty though.

All I know
Is everything is not as it's sold
but the more I grow the less I know
And I have lived so many lives
Though I'm not old
And the more I see, the less I grow
The fewer the seeds the more I sow

2007-09-25T10:08:00.000+01:00

It's been a long time since I've last blogged and since i'm sitting in the library during my holiday doing nothing, i might as well blog.

New house.
Hmph. Can't say i'm really in love with it. The tube's a bitch since i haven't gotten my monthly concession card yet and transport costs are juz killing me now esp when i only figured out that i should tap my oyster card twice only for each trip even after changing from the DLR to the tube so i think for the first 4 days that i was back..i was spending about 10pounds on transport each day. omg. omg. omg.

House problems--I was quite pissed off when i arrived all tired and aching last sunday to find my room stuffed with all those boxes that should have been in the kitchen. Luckily yongseo was with me so he helped move them all out to the corridor and then we started getting down to work to clean the disgusting kitchen which still had stacks of dirty dishes from dunno who from dunno when and i had to throw out loads of stuff rotting in the fridge from july and august. And then after we found the hoover(it was somehow taken out of the store room and was hidden amongst the many boxes), we hoovered the ground floor and my room. I hate cleaning. really. To cap it all off, living with so many ppl isn't that fun. I think i am a very tolerant person. Well, at least my stuff wasn't stolen or broken..and well at least i wasn't stupid enough to unpack everything and lay it out for ppl..and i guess it's a blessing in disguise that my room was used as a storeroom and not someone else's bedroom and sex room. And no one used my plates and stuff since i had the sense to keep them in the boxes together with my bedsheets. Maybe life is fair.

Only good thing is greenwich village which we have discovered to be less than 10mins walk away from my ulu countryside house. At least i know there's lots of places to go to eat and to shop. After seeing where april and anthony moved into, i'm so jealous. i wanna move out now. but i have to think about rent constraints...argh.. And ok our gym and pool and sauna is not bad. But i don't need all those. Right now i juz feel like i'm living out of london.

And then school is starting in 2 weeks time. How time flies when all you want to do is juz stay still and smell the flowers.

You're the only one who knows to slow it down..

2007-09-13T05:01:00.000+01:00

I like how it is with old pals. How words become unnecessary and the unspoken is so easily understood. How easy it is to pick up from where we left off even though its been so long and just sit and chat the whole night away until we're the only ones left. It felt like we had never stopped talking all those years back. I have missed this feeling. I really did. All those years when we stopped talking after you left. It was good catching up on all the lost times and filling each other in on what we have been doing with our lives and what we plan to do next. What seemed like a lost opportunity then now has turned out for the better. We've both made mistakes along the way, fallen onto the bad, lost touch but most importantly we both came back in the end..just like what shyam would say. I never knew life has been so hard on you and then I wonder if it would have been better if I had been around. I guess God has His plan for each and everyone of us even when it gets tough and we wonder why He's putting us through the test. I just hope you can persevere like how you used to and have courage in what will come next. Faith is a queer thing. But now I know we're all given equal doses of Faith..we just need to gather it all together before we lose ourselves.

We all have our superheroes and people we look up to. You could be a superhero to someone else even if that someone is too proud to tell you so. After teaching for so long, I've realised that I should never underestimate the power of influence a person can have over another. There will always be people who look up to you. Afterall, you were my superhero once and I guess I was one in some ways too. So even if you think you're not good enough and that you should stop bothering because nothing is working and everything is screwed up, don't give up because i know for sure that someone is still looking at what you do and figuring out if it should be followed and figuring out if it's right.

It's funny how all the circumstances have led and summed up our lives and now we can see each other so plainly and clearly. I guess studying abroad has its advantages too. I can count on one hand friends like you. Friends who don't have to be there 100% of the time to know what is going on and why I do the things I do and what I think when even my inner-self is confused.

I may seem like I have it all but I still feel lost. I feel damned. Who am I to talk about faith? Sometimes I don't know why I'm working and trying so hard. What if it all won't work out in the end? And with that easy charm, you point out what is lacking. A light turns on somewhere and it becomes bright and clear. Why hadn't I realised this before?

I didn't hear what you were saying.
I live on raw emotion baby
I answer questions never maybe
And I'm not kind if you betray me.
So who the hell are you to save me
I never would have made it babe.

2007-09-04T15:30:00.000+01:00

And so you died. I was keeping an eye out in the papers but nothing came up until I drove by that road again and saw the 'Fatal Accident' sign. I hate to say this but you shouldn't have rode a motorbike. This was the first time i saw a person die and it was quick, gruesome and scary. Just another km down that road, another 'Fatal Accident' sign has been put up. Motorbike vs car again. One of life's lessons that hasn't sunk in for many. I myself have to be more careful on the road too...i can't take all those near accidents lightly. Now i'm damn scared and wary of motorcyclists apart from my paranoia of reckless taxi drivers.

On another note, I have just came back from bangkok yesterday. Can't say it was a very fantastic trip since i was in a perpetual bad mood. Only the shopping and food was good. We met up with uncle john who moved to bangkok 10 yrs ago for who knows what reason. And now he speaks thai so fluently. He brought us to a really nice authentic thai restaurant set in an old wooden house that is quite a tourist attraction apparently and yet still serves very good authentic thai food. And he ordered lots of cool dishes that we wouldn't typically order if we hadn't gone with him like minced pork and olives with chopped lime, red onion and peanut all wrapped in raw kai lan. The moment i put it into my mouth, there was this whole explosion of flavours. Salty, sour, onion garlic hot, bitter from the lime skin. Delicious. He also brought us to china chao to this little cramped-by-the-road stall to eat aboling. That was the best best best aboling I've ever eaten. The skin was very soft and thin, the black sesame was thick and tasty and the ginger tea was strong but not overpowering. Perfect. I guess its worth it to move to bangkok just for the aboling and all the other cheap things.

The air in bangkok is just damn terrible. It's been a while since i last went so i guess i wasn't exactly prepared for the waves of smoke and the layer of smog in the air. I have to save my skin now. Traffic is bad as always and the poor draining system means clogged roads when it rains since cars can't travel on the flooded bits. It rained for a very short while on sunday. It wasn't even very heavy rain. Not the thunderous pouring you get here. And yet the road across our hotel was so flooded our taxi had to take a detour. All along the street there were people scooping water and sweeping water out of their shops. It really made me thankful of Singapore's wonderful drainage system.

And now i am terribly sick of singapore and of being home and of being nagged at by unpleasant people. I wanna go backkkkkk.

2007-08-29T14:56:00.000+01:00

And so this marks the end of all the weeks of planning for the fcuk camp. Freshers' camp. I think it was quite a success and even though it rained while we were at sentosa yesterday, we still weren't that behind schedule and the amazing race thingy still went well except for the chimpanzees which stole our fries and scared the shit out of janice and me. ha. I also saw a side of the guys that is hardly revealed. Didn't know they are THAT kinky esp doing those dance moves..omg. I think our juniors must have been freaked out..wonder what they must think about london now..

After sleeping the whole day away, my head still feels groggy. I'm thinking about opportuniies that i've overlooked and missed and that it may not be such a bad thing afterall. Now i just have to make the best out of the rest of my summer break, pig out, shop and enjoy hot hot singapore before going back to london and into another embrace.

And i am in great need of exercise. I need to get off my bum and walk more, drive less, eat less, crawl to the gym, swim, get a tan maybe and discover a great way to get and maintain abs other than sailing. I have to stop facebooking and cut down on tv. Korean dramas are too addictive..i have to get off my bum more...or maybe i should juz do hula hoop while watching them. hmmm.

2007-08-21T16:57:00.000+01:00

"change something you cannot accept, accept something you cannot change"

You just have to decide what you want to change and what you want to accept.

2007-08-21T16:13:00.000+01:00

It's been a grouchy emo day which culminated in 5 hours of watching my latest addiction-Snow queen. Hyun bin is ultimate hotness and bumming to korean dramas is a good way to keep stuff off my mind if only for a while.

My mind's in a whirl. As more options come up to be considered, I'm getting more and more confused. I wanna go back to london asap. There's just too many things to be settled. Recently, I've been considering other paths and options and I feel like I'm wasting time here in sg even though I've already filled up my summer with all the constructive things I can think of. My life is in total transit and I don't seem to be moving forward. I feel stagnant. I can't think of anything I really want to do in singapore and everything that i have to do can only be done when i go back. There's only so much I can plan. The realisation that my real life may now be in london has hit me. Sure, being home is nice and there's only one home. But the only way forward for me is in london. Too many things I wanna do.

Emo-ing to maroon 5's 'makes me wonder'. Somehow I think shirlyn tan can sing it better.

2007-08-19T13:53:00.000+01:00

And so we had our formal induction yesterday. Kind of got me thinking about last yr before i'd left for london and all the camp stuff. haha feel oldddd lah. But anyhow, it was nice that the whole induction went smoothly and i got to know some juniors esp the roseberians. Rosebery is the best hall ever! ha.

After the induction, i had dinner with the family at Chang at dempsey road. It was sort of a farewell dinner for kor since he went back to glasgow last night. Chang is really good! Yummy korean barbeque and yummy stews too. Made me miss assa a lot. (Note to self:-Find out if koreans really do eat barbequed stuff very often). Why is it most of the korean restaurants in sg are korean barbeque restaurants?hmmmm i'm sure there're other korean food...must check with ys.

And today..i juz bummed around at home, read my book and slacked. There's suddenly been a whole lot of good korean shows on scv now..yay. More reasons to bum at home and not go out. Like 'The snow queen' with hyun bin in it..he's so ooh la la hottt! and from certain angles, he looks like kwon sang woo esp with the rugged unshaven look. oh my. haha.

Next week is my LAST WEEK at teaching! yay! can't wait for friday to come! tmr, i have to go to the gym and shed off some calories and swim and attempt to tan with whatever sun we're getting these days. Feeling really fat at the moment. bahhh :(.

2007-08-17T16:23:00.000+01:00

It's been a nice slack week since i didn't have to teach yest or today. heh. Last night i went to wala wala after class with my brother, ken, herbert and elliott. The Unxpected is one of the best bands in sg def! Had a great night of amazing music with shirlyn tan's powerful vocals..haha and she sabohed ell to sing a bday song to some girl..super funny. Also bumped into shaun toh, zhicao and helena..really long time no see.. And after staying for 3 sets, i had to drive the guys back since all of them drank..haiiii ken was the most supportive coz he kept telling my brother to shut up and stop talking so i could concentrate..ell, the most reassuring since he actually FELL ASLEEP while i drove! woohoo! ok although herb was juz too glad when i reached his house..haiii this is why i hate giving ppl a lift..super stressful and super scary. :(

2007-08-14T10:09:00.000+01:00

I've been feeling so grouchy and fat. Been over-indulging and eating too much these days. I need to go on a diet and exercise...yuck. The last time i ran was like ermz 5 or 6 months ago..but these days i'm feeling motivated to start exercising again. And yes, i'm even motivated to run. Today during my breaks, i drew up an exercise and diet plan..haha i have to have to have to stick to it and follow it relentlessly. Hate this fat, pale, flabby feeling. :( :(

2007-08-10T09:22:00.000+01:00

And so after quitting my job, i went for the NDP yesterday. It was pretty good this yr compared to all the past yrs at boring kallang. The water stage allowed for a showcase of the navy vessels so that bit was pretty cool,..with the usual fighter jets and tankers and cannons. But the whole set-up was very small...so was quite disappointed in that. It didn't feel very spectacular coz it was so small-scale and the crowd wasn't very enthu(unlike in the kallang years) and there was very weak applause for our PM compared to our previous PM...hmmmmm wonder why ah.

The week has been good so far. Had a nice long lunch with the IJ clique on wed at ichiban boshi where we totally overate. And then i finished reading shopaholic and baby! superbly hilarious book! haha i love becky bloomwood..

And tonight, my brother is coming back from glasgow..for ONE WEEK. stupid bugger. I don't see how i'll ever get that homesick. hurhurhur.

2007-08-07T14:39:00.000+01:00

It's been a busy start to my week so far but it's been a lot better than all the past weeks. Tomorrow marks the start of my 5 days break from teaching! yes! haha..And my lazy wed plan has suddenly been turned into a steamboat lunch at steph's place. I foresee a lot of food and pigging out. oh no. And i'm going for ndp parade on thurs...it'd better be good..

Anyway, i've been noticing this for a while...When waitresses pull out a seat for a couple approaching the table, why do singaporean ladies cross over and take the other seat and let the guy take the pulled-out one?? I've seen this SO many times that i've lost count. And so I was puzzling over this for a few days and then I came to a conclusion--Singaporean ladies are unaccustomed to acts of gentlemanly-ness that they don't recognise it even when it's staring at them in the face. They are so not used to the idea that their chair would be pulled out for them(which would happen ALL the time if they were with or have been out before with a gentleman) so it doesn't even occur to them for one moment that the pulled-out chair could be for them.
OK i admit there are a few gentlemen amongst singaporean men and i do know like errr 3 of them? And this is just my observation...then again, it could be a way of women showing their independence and security that they don't require any chilvarous acts by men. haha hmmm actually i quite like the idea of showing my independence but NAH...ladies should be treated like ladies. hahaha.

2007-08-05T15:33:00.000+01:00

It's been a pretty good week on the whole. I have found my purpose in life again after recently being inspired. Plans can always be changed and I shouldn't be so set on just achieving something so specific coz it may not be what's best for me and may not even be what I really really really want deep down. Even though what I'm doing now may not seem relevant to what I want to do in the future career-wise, now..I don't think that matters much coz I think I'm definitely learning a lot of skills that I would need later on in life, dealing with different sorts of people..even though I didn't appreciate it at all for the past few weeks. Now it's like a light has been turned on somewhere and I'm no longer in despair. I shall just do what I can and make the best out of the ton of things I'm doing this summer and of coz remember it all.

This week I've been reading Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist again and as always, I'm learning a lot with every chapter finished. 'When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it' I think this is so true. My interpretation---If you want something badly enough, you will get it in the end because you will find all ways to achieve it and your desire to achieve it rubs off on others too and unknowingly or knowingly, these people will help you in various stages to get what you want. Next week I'm gonna re-read The Warrior of light and head down to borders to get more books. I've just added 3 more books to my booklist..hopefully borders or kino stocks them otherwise I'll have to order from Amazon.

Yesterday was a pretty good day. Had lunch with an old pal and then headed to clarke quay for singsoc mtg which we ended up having at yakun, squashed up in one corner and it lasted for ages. lol. Then after that, we headed to guan's place for sarah's farewell party. We had our own prata man and satay woman..which I think is the trend for most house parties now coz next sat I have another prata house party to go for..yummm. It was really fun talking to guan's very interesting parents and it was nice meeting up with so many lse singaporeans all at once..even though I wasn't that close to most of them in london.

And today I slept for like the whole morning and got up just in time to get out for lunch at shin with the family and then I drove my dad to the optician and nearly had an accident AGAIN. I am really getting freaked out by driving. This brings the total of near accidents to 4...and of coz more yelling from whoever's sitting in my car. So from now on, I shall only drive myself. No lifts for anyone! Sorry guys. But safety first ya?

I'm now looking forward to next week..which is pretty unusual by my standards. But for once in my life, I love nat day! coz i don't have to work on wed, thurs and fri. wahahahahaha. And I have gotten off successfully from teaching music!! yes! no more music lessons on retarded ndp songs and even more retarded dances. No more listening to kit chan or sunyanzi's ndp songs which I am SO SICK of now. And I got off for the ndp school celebrations itself on wed so that means I no longer have to make a fool of myself on the field. Really glad about this. I guess life can't get any better than this...and then I'm quitting my other job on thurs! yay to that too! can't wait.

And soon..london awaits.. I know how sometimes things I'm so sure of can just disintegrate the next minute but I've always been the one to take chances. It's not living if you don't feel alive. So anyway, I'm bearing in mind the words of a gd friend and lets just see where the road of life takes me and all of us..career-wise, love and everything else...There aren't any wrong decisions or wrong steps since every step we take will bring us closer to where we want to be even if it happens to be a longer route, a detour..the important thing is..we will still get there in the end.

2007-07-30T14:29:00.000+01:00

Today's been a nice slack day..juz taught in the morning and i was home by 1.30pm..shiok day. Anyway, i have recently discovered that we(singaporeans) are automatically opted in for organ donation upon death. I, being rather superstitious, still cannot get around this fact! And i found out that well..of coz we can opt out but..then we'll be given least priority when we need an organ (which is fair i guess) and also there's a lot of bureaucratic work to cut thru like all the forms to fill up. But the thing is..i had to find out about it all by myself. And it's not exactly common knowledge since all my peers whom i've asked were equally clueless that they were all opted in until i told them. bahhhh.

Oh and a strange thing happened today. Huang suddenly called me to badger me for brands for his expensive and decadent wallet to errr 'celebrate his goodness' which he plans to buy this weekend with the killing he has made from all the stocks..boasting as usual that he is on the way to financing his own education. bugger. show-off. irritant. I still think it's an absolute waste of money to buy something for the sake of the brand so obviously i gave him a piece of my mind and he said i was nagging! whatever man..nobody asked him to call me to ask for such stupid information and i had to endure his warped reasoning. For me..i'll juz buy it if i like it, not coz of the brand although if the brand is good and i like it then the brand itself becomes a plus point.

ok i think this is enough ranting for now..and tmr i'm turning 20. Old. old. old. old. but still not old enough..if there's one wish that can be granted, i'll want to be wiser...haha

2007-07-25T09:35:00.000+01:00

Woohoo! I've passed my driving test at last!!!! yay! And in the rain too! haha ok actually it's not that big a deal. I've been driving for ages already just that now i can officially drive on my own! yay!

2007-07-23T15:37:00.000+01:00

Yay i have just completed reading the final of the harry potter series! one of my favourite 'childrens book' that has nv outgrown me..but it kind of feels weird that there is no more harry potter to look forward too. aiii. i took leave for 3 days so at last i can have the luxury to sit ard and slack at home and actually read. Anyway, i was juz wondering where j.k rowling got her inspiration for those pretty villages in harry potter like ottery st catchpole?..i shall go back to london and do some research on pretty villages in the english countryside and do some exploration. suddenly i feel so suaku even though london is such a huge, cosmopolitan city..coz i've not been around uk much other than brighton, cambridge, oxford and nottingham although nottingham isn't really counted coz i only went to the uni there. so ya. this time when i go back, i have to do more exploration! maybe weekend trips or something if i get too stressed from uni work. lala.

The weekend wasn't that bad. Had yummy yummy prata and thick toast drizzled in peanut butter and condensed milk with erin and jan on sat..sinfully yummy..i have to go back there again..def. Sunday..i juz slacked at home since it was my first weekend in weeks to be free of marking!hooray! and then i met up with ken, francis and charlene for old beppu ramen. so i guess it's been pretty good meeting up with ppl esp since my social life(weekdays) has now died completely and i'm either bogged down by stuff or too tired to get my bum off my couch.

2007-07-20T17:52:00.000+01:00

I'm totally knackered. Today has been an extremely long one and I suspect i have throat ulcers coz it's hurting somewhere. I'm trying to think of how i can sum up this one long day but it's pretty hard. I had sch as usual and since it was racial harmony day, i came sportingly dressed in a punjabi costume..then i had a hard time suppressing my glee that it was my last day teaching the pri5s..although i think the lower pri are gonna give me a tougher time..but anyways..the girls kept asking why i was so happy..one girl even asked if i was getting married..omg..i would have throttled her if i could there and then. well, at least they did little things that warmed my heart like giving me cute cards and drawing me stuff.

Anyway, i've been sickened by the paedophillic acts the newspaper has been reporting this week..like the 5yr old girl who was left unsupervised by her parents in carrefour and got raped and the 7yr old girl who got molested in the national library! atrocious acts! So today i spent a good half an hr on my 2 classes warning them to be wary of ALL MEN. Even relatives shouldn't be spared! There've been so many cases of child abuse where the perpetrator was someone who was trusted in the family. Child abuse makes me sick. And paedophilles make me even sicker.

2007-07-19T15:27:00.000+01:00

What do you do when you get the ultimate sabotage and forced to do something totally ridiculous that you thought you would nv be caught dead doing. -_- I'm so dead. I hate this feeling. I don't wanna teach music anymore!!!! Not like i wanted to teach it in the first place..argh!! Just kill me before ndp celebrations..not that i'm very patriotic anyways. Retarded songs, retarded dances..and wah lao eh how can that teacher juz saboh me into leading the whole retarded thing. omg. esp just when i have smoked my way thru the whole of this week avoiding doing anything..Just coz i'm a substitute teacher doesn't mean i can be pushed around ok. Crap.

SIANZ. didn't help that today was one of my busy days of teaching, driving lesson followed by korean lesson at night..i'm soooo tired now. Korean is def a lot harder than i'd imagined and it really doesn't help that i still CANNOT distinguish certain sounds like the way they say J sounds like Ch and then double accent on J sounds like a cross between Zh and J and then...i'm completely winded up. -_+. I understand now why ys says my pronunciation is hopeless..i can't even bring myself to say otherwise. BUT i have to persevere!

I can't wait for next week...3 days of leave although that's meant for fine tuning my driving and ensuring i pass. haiii. oh crap. tmr is racial harmony day. fuck. i have to wear a costume to set a gd example. No offense to racial harmony day..i'm all for racial harmony..but..bahhhh i don't wanna wear a costume.. -_-.

2007-07-16T15:03:00.000+01:00

Today i shouted until my ears were ringing for like 2 hours afterwards..gosh. I think one can shout oneself to deaf. and i'm gonna lose my voice soon if i carry on like that..sigh. 11 yr olds are not to be trifled with. esp the bratty ones.

Anyway..today was a rare day! I could finally spend the rest of the day at home after sch and just slack..well not really slack.. i brought another stack of stuff back to mark..but still..marking when i'm slouched comfortably at home is diff from the stressful workings of the staffroom. aiii.

AND i got my early bday pressie from yongseo today! Specially courier-ed woohoo...this was totally unexpected..but i love it!!and it's in my fav colour too..a yummy yummy green ipod nano. haha sweet.... I think this is a good week for techie surprises! First my new phone and now this! yay..

2007-07-15T05:05:00.000+01:00

It feels like ages since I last posted here. It has been an absolutely crazily busy week. One of the busiest I've had since...maybe sec4..haha. Quite amazing that i actually survived this week..and somehow i catch myself wondering why i'm putting myself through all this. I need a break. already. But at least time flies when i'm busy and at least now i don't have time to think about stupid random things and stone staring out of the window. Or brood over my dismal results.

I wouldn't say my life is really terrible now but I guess i don't feel like i'm living my life to the fullest and really enjoying what i'm doing even though teaching can be fulfilling at times. I feel like i can be doing a whole load of other things..and be carefree..and then i'll think about 2nd yr and i'll get more upset. I foresee a hard yr of mugging ahead..plus internship apps and the internship itself. And then i think of ian who's going to intern at disney for 6 mths and i think..why can't my life be like that? I feel like doing something totally crazy and trying something diff...i could live in florence and try to paint. ok scratch that..can't paint for nuts. Or i can go off to alaska and teach english..or throw myself into micronesia..or try living in hawaii..basically have an unsuccessful life financially and still be super happy..is that possible? Instead of setting myself for a career in banking..is that what i really really want?sometimes i question myself..coz i get scared after hearing about the working hours..even though i really like the work they do in ibanking.. hai. I want my life too. In a way, it's a blessing in disguise that i didn't get an internship this summer...at least i still have a life..if i want it.

2007-07-08T09:53:00.001+01:00

Yesterday was one of the best saturdays i've had since i got back..even though i was super tired and my body just ran on adrenaline for the night..but it was fun. :)

First i'd overslept and had to call off work with a stupid excuse..and then it was off to guan's place for a singsoc meeting whereupon her very funny dad waved a sock at us and started to sing a hilarious song..'sing..sing a soc..' haha omg. if only my dad had such a good sense of humour.

After that, i rushed back home, changed, and got out again to meet the guys for dinner at clarke quay. I got super pissed with seet coz he was late AGAIN and this time he was nearly an hr and a half late..but the dinner itself was really nice. We had very authentic jap ramen..not those fusion kind that has been popping up all over the island. And nearly all the other customers there were jap so i guess it must have been a pretty good place. It was nice meeting up with the guys after so long..and to know that they're still the same esp huang. hahaha. that idiot.

And then it was off to sam's place for ian's farewell party! Lucky fella is going to orlando, florida to work for walt disney!!! That's every kid's dream job manz...really envy him. It was really nice to just hang out with geri, her bf ken, sam and greg after so long. And the party was pretty fun. We played this roulette drinking game where we chose 3 cups of yummylicious passionfruit cognac(which tasted like mango), then we took turns to spin the roulette and downed the shots as the numbers came up. And since we didn't top up..we played 'truth' for all the empty shot glasses..where skinky little secrets were unearthed by greg who was firing most of the questions..esp to unlucky me. :(. heh but all in all, it was very good fun. Although ian's friends got so drunk that many of them started to puke all over the floor and even on the wall and it got gross.

So that was how my saturday went...today i'm just staying in to mark the mountain of work i brought back on friday. :(. laziness is sinking in again. bah.

2007-07-06T08:36:00.000+01:00

I'm looking at all the steps ahead or at least those that i can see and i'm wondering if it'll work out like how i'd imagined it to be. Uncertainty scares me. But i must say that everything is going better than i'd expected so far and i should treasure what i have even though sometimes i feel like i'm hanging on a piece of thread.

Anyway, for once i can say i really enjoy teaching. I feel like i'm really teaching teaching now, not like last yr when half the time was spent getting the kids to stop running and playing catching in class and then sending them outside to stand for an hour. That was so exhausting..but at least now, i can channel all my energy into proper teaching and the 11yr olds have been very guai so far. which is good. except for music lessons. argh. but that has worked its way out as well. so no worries.

Oh ya, pregnant women really freak me out.

Mabel: 'My baby's coming tmr.'
Me: 'oh? you're scheduled for a casesarean?'
Mabel: 'No, but i can feel it.'

omg..doesn't help that i'm seated next to another heavily pregnant woman. And they keep having the weirdest conversations that i don't really want to listen to now. I even had a nightmare last night about mabel going into labour right in the middle of class and i'm standing there helpless. shit. This really freaks me out.

2007-07-04T17:21:00.000+01:00

I'm feeling totally exhausted and burnt out. Maybe i am having too much on my plate right now..don't even want to think about next week when i have to fit in one more thing into my already bursting schedule. I don't even know why i'm putting myself through this..but i know i just have to.

Anyway...it's lucky that my sch timetable so far has been pretty nice..i'm only teaching english and music..omg music! argh. But at least the p5s are an easier lot to handle than the p3s..although p1s would be nice to teach too. Mabel's tummy is so huge that everytime i stand next to her, i have this feeling that she's just gonna go into labour any minute...which makes me freak out. Don't wanna stress her too much with any complaints about the class so this round, i'm putting in more effort to manage the class better...if a heavily pregnant woman can do that..then so can i.

Actually a lot has happened in the past few days and even though i'm totally knackered, there's just all these stuff zinging in my head. Kind of helps that i'm busy the entire day so that leaves me with little time to brood and think. Just what i need for now.

2007-07-01T14:09:00.000+01:00

Ahhhhh i've just had my fill of long-awaited retail therapy! haha. Feeling super relaxed and happy now even though i kinda overspent..but heck. I need this. Had lunch with joanne today and then we spent the rest of the day shopping :).

Conversation over lunch was soon turned to whether to put family over career and about kids..which reminds me of the conversation i had with esther(who hates kids totally) just yesterday..so anyway, jo was telling me about this girl she knows(our age) who just had a baby! shotgun marriage! omg. And there we(or at least me) were thinking we'll probably not get married til we graduate and have a stable income and feel ready and responsible enough to have kids and ppl our age are already having kids now..omg. But i guess it was a good thing she didn't even consider abortion. so kudos to the girl for having the courage to keep the baby. Abortion is murder!! i can't believe some of my friends actually think it's ok..for the sake of uni and their career and about people's perceptions.. :(. ppl...just because u don't see the baby, it doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. Although getting married just coz u get pregnant isn't reason enough to get married..at least not for me..coz marriage is a huge life-long commitment that takes a lot more than love and kids to keep it going strong..although love is of coz the main factor.

And...another thought..why do ppl get pressured to get attached once they enter uni and see all their friends hooking up? From what i know so far amongst my friends..here's my take..esp for those in nus and ntu where they stay in hostels and practically live in uni and their whole lives only revolve around sch and uni friends. And when friends get attached and start to pangseh you for lunch dinner breakfast tea..blah..and u start to see so many couples on campus, and v-day comes and goes with those silly things unis do..i guess that feeling of loneliness might sink in and the pressure builds up.

Of coz there're the stronger, more independent ladies! who do not need men in their lives..and are either too busy stringing and arranging all the dates so that monday would never meet tuesday and wednesday would not meet thursday or just too busy turning down all.

Anyhow...touching on independence..we really do not need to depend on men..regardless of whether marriage is on the cards..afterall, what century are we living in??We women can work and take care of the family and are expected to do a whole lot more than men..not like it's hard..BUT being an independent woman doesn't mean we make allowances for ungentlemenly men! So ladies..while we take pride in being independent, don't let your pride and independence get in the way and just enjoy it when guys are gentlemenly..while it lasts at least.

ok maybe i'm just disgusted with how ungentlemanly guys here are. hmmph.

2007-06-30T18:30:00.000+01:00

I'm absolutely bushed....had lunch with esther yeo before work today and then i had to OT..crap..and i couldn't get a cab for ages!! dunno where the hell all the taxi drivers are at 12 plus..so it's been a long tiring day. But i shan't complain further coz it could have been a lot worse. Anyways..gave myself an off tmr so i can shop before the gst is raised to 7% on monday..although i still think 7% isn't that high considering the vat in london is 17.5%!And sg has one of the lowest consumer tax rates in the world..who are we to complain?But anyhow..i might as well shop more while its still 5%. heh.
Although i'm feeling really tired now..i'm still in a lala sort of mood..heh. Everything has fallen into place and there's a nice snug and settled feeling...

I'm looking out the window
Where we sat to watch the stars
There's a chill within the air
It makes my heart long for your touch
You may be miles away
But as I kneel to pray
I see the same side of the moon
That we'll be looking on when the world turns blue
And know that time and space can't come between me and you
We share the same side of the moon
And though you'll never see all my tears shine through
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon.
I picture you across the oceans
In your corner of the world
I pray the wind will blow my voice
And gently whisper in your ear
Your night may be my day
And though the seasons change
It's still the same side of the moon
That we'll be looking on when the world turns blue
And know that time and space can't come between me and you
We share the same side of the moon
And though you'll never see all my tears shine through
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon
I know I can't be that far from you
If we're both looking on the same side of the moon

2007-06-29T14:08:00.000+01:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

2007-06-29T13:42:00.000+01:00

I'm super shagged.....been working for the past 3 days 2pm to 11pm and i relief taught today..primary 1 class! haha my first time taking primary 1s and they're sooooo adorably cute. They keep coming up to give me things they've drawn(and i'm always in it) and keep raising their hands every minute to ask me to spell something. Next friday mabel's going on maternity leave..can't believe she's having kids already!so fast!! and i'm gonna cover her p5 class which i think is gonna be a big challenge....coz if i rmb correctly from last yr..the upper primary kids are damn malicious. :( I'd rather teach the p1s. And melissa who's still taking p4s was nice enough to save me my teachers' day gift from last yr! omg my heart was def warmed...didn't expect to receive anything for teachers' day and most of all, didn't expect her to save it for me..haha and she still said ' i knew you'll be back someday'. haha

It's been an extremely busy week..what with work and driving. And mambo was super eventful..and it was super qiao too meeting those 4 guys and discovering all the connections and after that when we were leaving, i found out that they're mostly our sailing seniors from jill and kaiyi's batch..super super qiao. Sg is too small. And it was good to meet ppl i haven't seen in ages like timi and quah. even though i hate mambo, i must say i had fun in the end...although i overslept the next morning and forgot to make an impt call..yikes.

I need cash to travel..there's just too many things i have to do now and too little time..my summer's gonna fly by just like that..i know it. My average day now goes like this..wake up at 12, leave by 1.30, work til 11, sleep at 2. After next week..it's gonna get crazier coz my korean lessons and proper not adhoc relief teaching will start. plus driving lessons..omg...i dunno how i'm gonna handle it. It's now raining quite heavily and i'm feeling super sleepy but there's still a lot of things i have to do by tonight..like continuing with my self-taught spanish lessons..i think all the stuff nelly and alex passed me are damn helpful..at least i can speak a tiny bit now. yay. n i can't wait to start with korean..heh. Got too many plans for this whole yr...something somewhere is bubbling

2007-06-25T15:28:00.000+01:00

I'm in a funny sort of mood now..kind of feel unsettled and uneasy even though I've settled so many things today and planned my way through an eventful summer. Gonna start work tmr..hopefully that goes ok. If all goes well..i'll probably be too busy to breathe..which i kinda like actually coz deep down, i know i'm a workaholic. I have to always make sure my time is filled otherwise i feel so unaccomplished and unfufilled.

Having nothing to do when all your friends are working or away is really no joke. It means staying at home for hours til night comes and being the constant object of incessant nagging. So tmr i shall work. And i'm glad.

I do it on a whim, its rhyme without reason whatever comes to mind I'll pull it from thin air.
I've learned to improvise to fill my time I don't want to
live this life, no I don't want to live this life without reason.
Never want to live without it, never want to live,
I don't want to live without reason.

I do it on a whim, with no motivation following this line and I don't know why,
but I've learned to capture time it's my redirection I don't want to livethis life,
no I don't want to live this life without reason
Never want to live without it, never want to live,
I don't want to live without reason.
You want to work to spend to show.
You want to talk to smile to feel.
You want to run to thirst to drink.
You want to love to know it's real.
Never want to live without, never want to live,
I don't want to live without reason

I thought this would be easy but I guess I was wrong.

2007-06-19T09:22:00.000+01:00

Apricot! Oh Faith! Oh OH oh Destiny! Oh..love! .............Oh my apricot!

hahaha that's my fav line from my fav apricot song now..i dunno what funny korean song this is but it's so funky it's been stuck in my head.

About home..it's nice to be back but..omg i can't stand the mrt or buses anymore. I'm gonna get my driving licence! must get!

2007-06-17T16:25:00.000+01:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

2007-06-17T16:10:00.000+01:00

I'm back home now..feeling kind of tired and sianz and missing london a lot a lot a lot. The flight back was terrible coz of all the delays..hate plane rides..really. I've got lots planned this summer..its no longer blank...like getting a job, passing my driving test, learning another language, travelling....and i'm giving myself 2 mths to do all that and go back to london early. :)

2007-06-14T17:58:00.000+01:00

OMG. Everyone go watch Rain's 'I'm coming' mtv! It's his latest song. He is def the best dancer in korea/asia maybe in the whole world..and i dunno how he transformed into such hotness although i suspect its the hair and shades. There's not much singing but the cool dance moves more than make up for the song..afterall he's using this to break into the USA market. :).

Tmr's my last day in london :( til i come back in sept. But this last week has been really great so far although i'm totally broke..haha. I'm watching tokyo juliet at last but i must say its not that fantastic even though wuzun makes damn good eyecandy. Hai..but i think i'm over the crazy-about-wuzun phase..now i'm totally addicted to M.C The Max and his rock ballads..and getting y to translate everything for me haha. My korean has been improving bit by bit now. haha. I still don't wanna go home but since everyone else has either left or are on holiday and will prob leave soon, its time to go.

So kiss me and smile for me,
Tell me that you'll wait for me,
Hold me like you'll never let me go.'
Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane
Don't know when I'll be back again
Oh Babe, I hate to go.

There's so many times I've let you down,
So many times I've played around,
I tell you now, they don't mean a thing.
Every place I go, I'll think of you,
Every song I sing, I'll sing for you

2007-06-13T09:39:00.000+01:00

2007-06-12T20:01:00.000+01:00

CRAP. couldn't extend my airticket coz all the flights are fully booked til 12th AUGUST. omg. Can't believe singapore is such a hot destination. So ya, i'm going home this saturday. And thats like really damn soon. Crap. Shouldn't have brought forward my airticket 3 times..haha feel so stupid.

Anyhow, this yr has certainly been damn eventful so far. Love my life now. Even though i couldn't get any internship this summer, i believe other windows will open and i will still learn a lot through other experiences..maybe even more than if i were to do an internship. So i shan't complain about it even though i know lots of ppl who have gotten internships(whether by their own merit or thru pulling strings). I'm gonna get a job or two and maybe travel a bit and then come back to london very early to travel a bit more.

I've packed up 3/4 of my stuff and my room is feeling kinda empty. But strangely, i realise that i can live with juz so few things. Why the hell did i bring so many clothes, shoes and other useless stuff over?? I'm def living in an age of excess. I have to make another trip to island gardens before i go to dump off a few more things that i thought i would need this week like my ricecooker and kettle and washing powder and little items in the kitchen..

2007-06-10T18:55:00.000+01:00

In cascais..lovely beaches! :)

Lisbon..in alfama

On the rio duoro in porto

Typical steep road of porto

I'm back from my trip! The whole holiday was juz fantastic..love portugal a lot! barcelona was kind of disappointing and only la ramblas was nice. I think porto was the best out of all the places we went..and it was nice making a new friend sunny in porto and she joined us for sightseeing on the boat and wine tour around porto..had so much fun. Now i am sunburnt even though we bought sunblock in lisbon at a rip-off price. Wasted money by going to faro for a day..but i wouldn't say we totally regretted it coz the beach was so pretty and there was a lovely pool and it was great being back in a tropical setting although the sea was too cold to swim in. I feel like we juz had a japanese honeymoon..haha coz everywhere we went, there were ppl/little children coming up to us 'ohaiyo ohaiyo, dozo..and giving us flowers'..haha esp in porto by the rio duoro. Took a ton of photos and i'm such a 'perfect' photographer..haha..quite thankful that my parents are liberal enough to let me go on this trip. :) Feel so blissful now..this holiday was really good for both of us..even though we dunno where this road will take us.

Now i'm feeling all alone in my hall. Everyone EVERYONE has left. Rachel, ting, fuisze, frank, eva(in spain), rosalind(in france), andrea, grace(moved house) and suddenly it feels a lot worse than when i came back earlier in easter break coz now i know that they will never move back here and soon i will be moving away for good too. Feel kind of sad and nostalgic..i really love staying at rosebery and making all these friends..and having all those late night chats and cooking stuff in the kitchen. Only ruoxin is here to keep me company but then she's leaving next sunday for cardiff..and if i'm extending my ticket, i'll really be alone here.

Tmr's gonna be a busy busy day. I have to go down to the airline office tmr morning and see if i can change my flight..i think i wanna stay until end june at least..don't wanna leave london. :(. And then in the afternoon, we're moving to our new house. So today I have to pack pack pack pack pack. :(. Hate packing. Hate moving. Although I can adjust easily to new environments, i still hate getting out of places which i have become so accustomed too but i know even if i stay here, its not gonna be the same anymore and moving is inevitable. :( Hopefully it'll be fun staying with so many ppl..and since our house is quite far from central, we'll be spending a lot of time together in our huge house.haha..i foresee a lot of mahjonging and poker.

YAY omg just found out that keljin is still here. yay. Now i have someone to have dinner with tonight. haha omg. i sound so pathetic.

2007-06-02T22:44:00.000+01:00

We have a house at last! Although its damn far from sch, its in a pretty nice area and it has a gorgeous reception which overlooks the river..so its not that bad..and its in a cluster housing estate which means it's a house with condo facilities like pool, sauna, gym etc..and it'll be a nice place to unwind and relax after a busy day at sch/work..just that we have to pay rent over the summer and my parents haven't gotten used to that idea yet. So now i'm thinking..i'm gonna def extend my tic when i get back from my trip and maybe stay in london for another month and find a summer job. Don't quite feel like going home anyway since i juz went back in march and there's more here to hold me back. Now, i just need to change the date of my driving test, change my air ticket, find a summer job and move house. Whoever said holidays were relaxing...lol. But whatever, i've just about finished packing for my trip..and everything's more or less settled except for the minor cash flow problem we're having for our housing since kai has left and i'm going on holiday tmr..hopefully everything will be ok.

2007-05-31T23:47:00.000+01:00

I love pon and zi! Thanks ian for intro-ing me to the cuteeeeee emo creatures!

2007-05-31T10:42:00.000+01:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

2007-05-30T19:59:00.000+01:00

I am absolutely shagged out..sooooooo tired. :( I'm gonna go slp after this.
Yesterday was the most tiring day ever..did oxfam in the morning then we went to view 4 houses all over london..omg..felt like we were having an excursion all over london. First we went to borough in the south, then archway up north then olympia then west kent..saw many parts of london that i've nv been to. And today we went down to aldgate and then to pimlico.. After all the tubing and maxing out our oyster cards and walking walking walking....hopefully we can settle our house by this friday. I am going to find 2 jobs over summer..gonna go broke paying rent when i'm not even ard in london. :(. I thought i would be very free and relaxed after exams..but ever since my last paper, i've hardly had time to juz sit down and relax and read a book, drink some tea or properly chat with my friends. Where has all the time gone? In 2 weeks, i'll be back home and missing london..can i not go home just yet? Feel like extending my ticket again..lol. I'm even feeling stressed thinking about my holiday..and just hoping everything will be perfect. tmr i shall give myself a break from whatever i've been doing and go shop. i need to shop. badly.
I've been thinking about loads of things lately and last night ru gave me her 2 cents worth of very deep insight on the pursuit of happiness and contentment and why we should be extra nice to people we don't like. Issues which i've been grappling with. I still think indifference is the best. Why should i waste my time thinking and complaining about someone i don't like? You are not worth it. I have more important things to do.

2007-05-28T20:02:00.000+01:00

It's been another one of those dreary cold cold cold rainy days :(. Lots of stuff on my mind now. Confusion. Decisions. Future decisions. And letting ppl down again even if its indirectly. I just wanna sit on the fence and not decide. Will that make any difference?
Faith..where are you..

2007-05-26T21:03:00.000+01:00

Today was another whole day at oxfam..eduardo still keeps speaking to me in spanish coz he keeps forgetting that i can't speak spanish..haha..super funny guy. Anyways, after oxfam, alex came down and we went to borders to search for chinese and spanish language books. we're gonna self study first and then when we get back over the summer, he's gonna teach me spanish and i'm gonna teach him chinese..haha. My heart was so warmed today! When i stepped into oxfam in the morning..i found that alex had left me a teach-yourself-spanish book complete with audio cds and elisa left me a book on lisbon even though i only casually mentioned that i was going next sunday..feel so loved..hahaha..didn't think ppl will bother to rmb what i say. Yamara dragged rakel to the havana rakatan again last night where she made rakel stand up and dance with her..haha and then they continued the partying at a salsa club in charing cross without calling alex and i..hmph. haha. Today's a lovely day even though the weather was drizzly and down..and strangely i don't feel tired at all even after working the whole day. Think i'll stay up tonight and read up on portugal and spain and read a bit of my new spanish book.haha. Feel so inspired.I really love the latino culture and spanish culture. And alex says my accent is exotic.yay. haha..another reason why singaporeans shouldn't bother changing their accents when they speak to ppl from elsewhere..hate it when ppl do that.

Housing issue..thought it would be settled last night but both unfortunately and fortunately, we're gonna look for another place. Hope we can get the contract back though..bloody agent. After hearing all the stories from my friends, i feel so cheated. Stupid manor house place.
Hai...so next week its just house hunting, oxfam, reading up for my trip, learning spanish and korean and hanging out...why do i feel that i wil learn spanish better and faster than korean?...haha..i'm gonna be so dead for saying this.

Something i've been chewing over lately: Faithfulness
I still don't know what it means to me and thats worrying me..faithfulness to God has been esp difficult of late..so many temptations, too many sins, not enough faith..and i've nearly broken the 6th commandment..and i find myself these days reminding myself so often that i'm catholic when it should be already intrinsic in me what to do and what not to do. Crap. Everyone's given the same measure of faith..i just need to find where all of mine has gone..Why am i listening to The Fray's 'all at once' again??hai...so reminded of the conversation i had with jamin and sherlyn in oxford on contentment..when will we know we've had enough?when will be the point where we find contentment? Do we set the level of contentment, achieve it and then be contented? Or do we find contentment in continuous doses and in increasing levels? I think i already know the answer for me to be content.

2007-05-25T17:05:00.000+01:00

I am soooo tired. Got back from oxford early early this morning and I'd only slept 4 or 5 hrs last night but i had a lot of fun. Had my first formal dinner at Green college with Sherlyn as Jamin's guests and I must say i really wish LSE has such traditions. bah. We should have formals too. Not fair. Oxford and Cambridge are so entrenched in history and tradition unlike london unis. And their colleges are so olden and harry potter-like. Totally love the tranquility and quiet town of oxfordshire..it was nice getting away from the big city of london and just unwinding for a day..and on the way there, my mood just changed and i became more and more relaxed the further i got from london. Green college is a graduate college so its pretty small compared to the other colleges. And its such a pretty pretty place! and lives up to its name by having a lot of greenery. Really envy jamin for being able to stay and study in such a nice place..i love the countryside..only for a few days. haha i guess i'll get bored easily in oxford. I'm a city girl at heart and i need london to keep me going.

Today i met april and guan for lunch..haven't seen april in ages so it was good to meet and catch up! So we had korean food for lunch haha. and then we went covent garden to shop..today was a kinky shopping day. hehe. Ann summers is such a cool store. kinky kinky. But i still prefer victoria secrets..too bad got to order online here coz london doesn't have any of its stores! argh.

Thinking about summer...i think i must keep myself busy. I must learn korean and improve my lousy jap no matter what and i wanna pick up spanish too. busy busy. I'm in for anything latino these days..just so inspired. haha. Love the culture, love the people!! they're genuinely warm people unlike most of the sg ppl i know..ahem ahem. And of coz i love the language! lanzarote will wait for me...haha..you'd better keep ur promise!

2007-05-25T10:53:00.000+01:00

Crap!Crap crap crap!! I want to go lanzarote too..........no.........................damn! ALEX!! ARGH!!! I'm so jealous of ppl who have lived in so many countries as they grew up that they have houses and families everywhere!! argh! Why must all my family only be in sg and china...sianz!! Lanzarote..lanzarote..lanzarote...argh...

2007-05-23T23:11:00.000+01:00

Today was such a fantastic day :) :)..Spent the entire day at oxfam where i made a huge mistake but with a lot of luck and grace, managed to correct it by the time we closed shop..so at least i didn't have to fork out any money. phew. Learnt a super big lesson today..i'd better be more alert when i'm sitting at the till..hai..learning so much stuff that can't be learnt from uni or anywhere else..guess its very diff in a charity. Ironically, after a while you learn not to feel so sorry for some of the ppl who come in..like this man in a wheelchair who tried to trick us by changing the prices on some of the items that he wanted to buy..luckily i've done months of pricing so i know how much the items are worth and i managed to stop the transaction and called nelly..these ppl...hai.....
Then after work, i went to watch a cuban dance performance 'Havana rakatan' with yamara, alex and nelly...and guess where it was?? haha peacock theatre in lse..omg i thought i would nv go back there after my exams..haha but the show was sooooooooooooo good. There was salsa, rumba, mambo, flamenco(!!!!!) and many others plus a live cuban band playing and singing at the back!! and for each dance, it told a cuban story which yamara explained to me as we went along..so interesting..i never knew a country that is so rich in culture like cuba. And when i told them that we don't dance at all in sg, they were flabbergasted.hahah.coz dance is such an integral part of their culture..domenican republic and cuba are very similar coz they both have a some african religion and culture. So tonight nelly and yamara became so homesick..haha. I love all the dances..so sensual and sexy and you need a connection with the person ur dancing with otherwise u'll nv pull it off like that..pretty amazing dances. Glad i learnt some salsa this yr..so at least i could appreciate the performance tonight..haha i'm so inspired to learn and improve more. Yamara was up half the time dancing during the performance..haha guess its in her blood..pretty cool not to be self-conscious..alex was saying he could nv get up and dance like that in the middle of a show..and i was like yea me too..haha. omg actually i'm feeling so woozy now..had too much wine and now i'm feeling very lala~~haha. Fantastic day. I'm gonna change my ticket to the 18th..this will be the 4th time i'm changing my ticket..but heck. I wanna stay for the cuban festival now..and its on the 16th and 17th. lalala.

2007-05-22T19:24:00.000+01:00

I finally got a taste of summer in london today....it was soooo terribly hot and the sun was out for the whole day..totally loved it! I think i've become a little bit tanner now...Went shopping again and i feel like i'm re-discovering london..guess i've been cooped up in my room for too long mugging..today i discovered a few fantastic streets off regent st with a lot of cool coffeeshops and little boutique stores..But now that exams are all done and over with, i've got a 4 month break ahead and its looking pretty.......blank. hahaha. No internships, nothing..maybe i'll go back and do relief teaching or get some other job. But before that, its a month here before going home and a week in portugal and spain!! woohoo~~~ Even though my mediterranean summer dream is no longer...portugal and spain are equally good! cheap and good seafood, portugese eggtarts, fantastic beaches, far away from london...how good can life get..hahaha.

And for now, its Oxfam all the way..somehow i really love working there even though i don't get paid and some ppl say its a waste of time. but i've made so many friends there like yamara, nelly, alex, rex, lily. libeth plus all the regular customers i've come to know..and today was like the 5th or 6th time nelly asked me to go back with alex to the domenican republic in july coz they have a house there...but awww shucks..although i sooooooo badly want to go to the caribbean, i'm going back homeeeeee. :( But they've asked me to go with them in dec..coz then nelly would be going back too and i'll only need to pay for the tic..yay! hopefully that will work out.. And i kind of forgot about the cuban festival on the 17th that i promised to go with yamara..crap..coz i changed my ticket again but now its for the 16th. One day short. Anyway, i think i've learnt a lot from oxfam and from all the ppl i've met...like a few days ago, there was this woman who bought a wedding dress from us..kind of got me thinking..i mean maybe maybe she juz needed a wedding dress for a costume or something..but what if she's really getting married?...and then there was that man who tried to steal some cds under his coat..i gave him such a fierce scolding, i scared off a few customers..but i was super pissed k. Coz we're a charity and all our money goes to help ppl in africa and this man actually wanted to steal from us! Shame on him! ...hmmm...and my druggie friend who's trying to quit..sometimes ppl aren't always what they seem to be...and even if u have a record, who's to judge who you are inside?ppl deserve 2nd chances..and of coz nelly..it wouldn't be the same without her..i've learnt so much about customer management from her and how to handle difficult ppl better...coolstuff.

Actually come to think of it...i don't really feel like going back home. Of coz i wanna see my family and friends..but somehow, london now has so much to hold me back. When i went back in easter, i felt like i was really straddling 2 diff worlds and trying to tie things together and feel like i belong at home and then come back to london and try to feel like i belong here. And now i've become so adjusted to life here that i don't feel like uprooting myself and go back and start over trying to fit my life back to how it was. Somehow things won't always remain the same. Friends will find new friends in uni and wherever and somehow, one way or other, we start to drift apart..and treasure even more those who remain behind. I guess this is part and parcel of life..and when we all start working, it'll be even worse. :( But then we meet new ppl, make new friends, new connections, new networks..and life goes on. And its also strange how i'm actually missing the most unexpected of ppl..I dunno why i'm in such a pensieve mood all of a sudden...maybe its coz sch is now offically over for me and life at lse has come to a close for now until oct. Suddenly reflecting on my uni life which hasn't been that satisfactory..and i feel like i've grown up so much so fast and i'll be 20 in july..omg..the big 2-0. Now i know why ell and ken always say once u hit 20, life changes.......... :( argh. okok. i must stop thinking negatively. i need more positive energy!

Now i just wanna take a long bath with the new soap i bought from lush..my current fav store. Always end up buying stuff everytime i enter it..bah. And after that, i shall start on some other drama..feeling terribly lazy after being out for the whole day...need to make a list of things to buy for my trip too...like sunblock, bikini(dunno y i left all at home! so stupid..pablo me), more sundresses blah blah blah. haha. I am so excited just thinking about portugal and spain..been wanting to go to these 2 places for ages. And this time its gonna be perfect. Perfect company, perfect weather, perfect everything :) :) :).

2007-05-19T03:57:00.000+01:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

ROFL. I like this one...homophobics..lol.

2007-05-18T22:33:00.000+01:00

Today's a happy happy day :)...econs is over at last and i have a pretty good feeling about the paper although it could definitely have been better if i had more time to expand and elaborate more..but on the whole, i thought it was all right. phew. Only stats left to go now. And i gave myself a break today and went shopping with.....hahaha. Bought a gorgeous russell&bromley bag :) :) :). I'm leaving stats til the weekend..not much to mug anyway since i juz need to go thru the past yr papers. Holiday planning is really tiring. Esp when ur on a budget and not willing to spend 200pounds just on airtickets.. :(. But i want my mediterranean summer dream. want. want. want. haha. Anyway, i've been having fun with my new toy. So addicted. I should have done this earlier. haha. absolutely love spring. Something's in the air..and i think i know what it's called..haha.
And beh, call me next week if you can...got lots to tell u and i've misplaced ur number somewhere.....so ya.

2007-05-16T15:39:00.000+01:00

There are certain people you just keep coming back to
She is right in front of you
You begin to wonder could you find a better one
Compared to her now she's in question

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there
Looking for the right one you line up the world to find
Where no questions cross your mind
But she won't keep on waiting for you without a doubt
Much longer for you to sort it out

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it, maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from
Perfection will not come

And all at once the crowd begins to sing
Sometimes
We'd never know what's wrong without the pain
Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you've started to compare to someone not there
Maybe you want it, maybe you need it
Maybe it's all you're running from
Perfection will not come

Maybe you want her, maybe you need her
Maybe you had her, maybe you lost her to another
To another

2007-05-15T15:33:00.000+01:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

ROFL. This is so typical. Bitch behind others' back and yet put on a nice front when you see him/her..how would you like it if the tables were turned? Hate hypocrites..even though sometimes for pragmatic reasons, there is a need to be cordial and nice and polite..but thats only sometimes ya?

2007-05-15T15:23:00.000+01:00

yah yah yah..appreciate knowledge..a lot of ppl want to get to lse but can't so appreciate the exams..yah yah yah. I shall stop bemoaning about the exams..so stop nagging!.. argh. 6 more days to liberation then maybe it'll be turkey or portugal or spain? i need a break. mediterranean here i come.

2007-05-14T18:10:00.001+01:00

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

2007-05-13T17:07:00.000+01:00

Newfound Jealousy

yup shirlyn tan's songs have been accompanying me while i'm mugging...perfect music to chill out too. I think she's the only local singer i support other than corrinne may who rocks too. Esp love the song 'Window'..so much meaning behind every sentence..ha.

BAH. I HATE THE EXAMS....only consolation is...i've only got 2 more years of exams after this and then work/career beckons..and by then, i wouldn't mind working coz at least i'll get paid for it and it'll be more exciting and challenging..hopefully.

2007-05-12T10:53:00.000+01:00

People say that in times of adversity, your true friends will be the ones who remain behind. But how would you know if they're not staying for some other reason? I think people are still inherently selfish..they do things to make you feel like they did it in your interests but actually they do them just to make themselves feel better..guess I'm guilty of that too..sometimes. These past 2 days, i've come to realised that i'm actually quite petty..really surprising revelation. I know i'm evil..don't see the reason for being so nice..heck. But ah well..i have gotten so used to being indifferent about so many things. I've hardly let ppl or things ppl say affect me coz i just don't care and don't bother and even if someone does something that should be pissing me off, i can't be bothered to expend energy to get angry and worked up and waste time complaining to others about it..passiveness and indifference..i've been like that for a long while ever since my sailing days which taught me a hell lot about life, competition(not only on the water) and how ppl change when they want something badly enough. But today something has been stirred up inside and its suddenly strange how worked up i can be...which hasn't happened in ages. On a lighter note, its funny how the most unexpected ppl turn out to be the best confidantes even if they're far away. I'm glad these ppl came into my life..glad for the positivity they bring and glad for the objectivity they have.

2007-05-10T10:05:00.000+01:00

I have decided. No more studying for the next 2 days! Anyway i'll probably forget everything that i have studied over the past few days so i might as well juz leave everything til the weekend and revise again...how hard can that be... Jap dramas here i come..i need to de-stress.

2007-05-09T19:07:00.000+01:00

Time to start afresh with a new template..the last one was terrible..or maybe this is juz an excuse to distract myself from mugging..heck. A fresh start again to blogging and jotting down memories after a good lesson over the weekend which made me totally pissed off but don't worry, i'm ok now. I absolutely hate the exams..hate mugging, hate learning stuff that we probably wouldn't use next time that we'll probably forget very quickly. I hate the weather today..where's my sun? Feeling terribly grouchy..la porchetta pizza for lunch cheered me up only a little and now i have no mood to look at my lecture notes or another past yr paper again. Is this what ppl call burning out? Somehow i dunno...i only started doing past yr papers 2 weeks ago..thats hardly called a burnout i think. But i'm so tired. All i want to do now is fly away to somewhere else and put everything down. But i guess today wasn't such a waste. Had a good chat with an old old old friend..too many things left unsaid for so many years..and in 2 hrs we caught up on 7 yrs of lost time..or at least we managed to cover all the highlights of our lives in the past few yrs and regained that old easy feeling again. I feel like i've found another part of myself again..a part that i thought was lost when you left. And its amazing how you can still know me inside out.